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I am a self-confessed Covid vaccine opponent, which is why many of my friendships have broken up. It's not because I deny the dangers of the virus. I am simply afraid of the vaccination with all its side effects and the possible consequential damage to my body.
In my circle of friends I am only spoken of as a covid denier. However, I am not and it contradicts my way of thinking and attitude. Perhaps I have read too much on the Internet about possible consequences of vaccination and therefore I am afraid of vaccination. My friends and acquaintances do not always say it openly, but I still feel their rejection.
I can understand that they do not invite me to their homes when there is a birthday party to celebrate. However, I am especially sad when I find out that they have met for a joint hike and I wasn't even informed that it was taking place. Before the pandemic, when we couldn't see each other at the time, I regularly communicated with them on the various social media channels. Today, I have to be happy if I get a message once a week.
It is a difficult time for me, because I notice that I am becoming increasingly lonely. I am therefore also suffering more and more from psychological problems. Of course I know that everything could change again quickly if I would finally get vaccinated, but my fear of this is still greater than getting sick with Covid-19. Should I maybe even get infected on purpose to break out of this vicious circle?